Listens2U.com

When you have confided in someone, were you ever hurt or disappointed by his or her response?

Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life. — Joan Lunden

When we feel we have not been heard, especially if we have tried to talk to someone about our true inner feelings, we can feel frustrated. Sometimes that frustration can develop into anger or resentment directed at those who we think haven’t taken the time to really listen. We wonder if they really care about us at all.

The best cure for those hurt feelings is to find someone who will truly hear us, a supportive listener who will help us talk through our vital issues.

But there is another step that only we can take on our journey to understanding. We must be willing to forgive, to get over the anger and resentment, to let go of the hurt. This may take a fundamental shift in perspective, but it’s worth the effort.

Think about when you felt that someone was not truly listening – maybe it seemed like they were more interested in giving advice than support. Did you catch them at a bad time, when they couldn’t give you the time you needed to fully express yourself? Maybe they thought you were looking for an immediate answer rather than a deeper conversation.

Or maybe they didn’t hear what you were really saying because you weren’t really listening to them. Few of us open important conversations about our feelings directly. If both parties to a conversation don’t start out on the same page, it takes only a few missed verbal cues on either side for the whole effort to end in confusion, misunderstanding and perhaps hurt feelings.

A good listener always asks questions to be sure he or she is understanding what the speaker is saying – both the meaning and the intent. Then the conversation can unfold fully and naturally, and no one will go away unhappy.

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